Dear Baby Sue: You know, honey, I really should be writing your advice column. I mean, I don’t always disagree with your replies. Some of them are pretty good. But usually I can think of advice which is succinct and real punchy. You know, modern and youthful. That’s what people want, you know. I imagine you are up in years, probably at least fifty. You know this is the twenty-first century.
Anyway, I want some advice myself. I have tons of friends and they are always coming to me for advice about their love problems. One of the big ones is they are always needing advice on how to get your ex back. I usually tell them to forget the scoundrel, but that caused two friends to go into deep depressions.
Now they talk behind my back and say mean things. They say they wouldn’t trust me with a little dog. What can I do, Baby Sue?